Making Amends

This is kind of a hard post for me to write, more awkward than anything, but I feel that it should be done. I have a cousin who died a week ago Friday. She'd had cancer 12 years ago, recovered, then was feeling tired recently. She went to the doctor a couple weeks ago and was told she had days to weeks left; cancer was throughout her body. Within two weeks, she was gone.

If that's not sad enough, she was only 43 and left behind her husband and two children, ages 13 and 9.

What I feel is even more tragic is that she and her immediate family had been estranged from her family (mother & father or my aunt and uncle and basically all our extended family) for the last 20 years!

Now luckily, or should I say mercifully, amends were made and forgivenesses given before she passed on, but I see such tragedy in losing that 20 years. My cousin's kids did not know their grandparents, nor most of their cousins on my side of the family. In fact, I was able to witness my uncle meeting his 9-year old granddaughter for the first time. It should have been joyous, but it was painfully awkward!

As far as I know, the estrangement was not caused by a major, horrible event, but many small, insignificant events. There were times over the last 20 years when amends could have been made, but were not. There were times when forgiveness could have been granted, but was not.

I, like anyone, do not have perfect relationships with all whom I associate. This experience, however, inspires me to do better with my strained and awkward relationships and to be forgiving and more merciful.

I can do my part in fixing my relationships, but where I get stuck, the Lord can help me make it further, help make it the rest of the way. How dreadful it would be to die and reach the other side wishing I'd had better relationships here on Earth.

I pray we can all improve our relationships and not waste decades holding grudges. Give it to the Lord.

Forgiveness

I recently had the opportunity to teach a lesson on something that I don't usually take the time to think about: forgiveness. Of course when I make mistakes (as I regularly do), I quickly hope for others' forgiveness so that I can move on and try to do better the next time. But what about when I am in a position to forgive another? Sometimes, hurt or frustration at being wronged makes it difficult to forgive and move on from a negative situation.

A family member shared the wise saying, "carrying a grudge is like slowly being stung to death by the same bee." While I regularly hope that others will forgive me, it is often times difficult to reciprocate that forgiveness to others. How can we move past hurt feelings and gain the peace that comes from forgiveness? Answers are so specific to each instance, but I know that through prayer and sometimes humbling ourselves, we can find the strength and the power we need to forgive those who have wronged us. As the Savior taught on many instances, it is not our place to judge others, but to humbly ask our Heavenly Father to, "forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors" (Matthew 5:12). I hope that I can learn more fully to move beyond past hurts and not only forgive others to gain peace for myself, but to also extend a small portion of the gift we have been given through Christ's sacrifice for each one of us.

"A Little Child Shall Lead Them"

How often I have found myself yanked back into reality by the sweet innocence of my children. Recently, upon putting my youngest child into a 'big girl bed' we have fought the losing battle of keeping our two girls in bed, when they would much rather be out giggling, trading beds and doing anything and everything but dreaming. It is, to be certain, a frustrating experience. However, I learned a beautiful lesson from my children these last few nights. Jeremey and I have, for the sake of our sanity, decided to continue with our bedtime routine, put our girls into bed, put up the gate so they can't escape, and let them 'tough it out'. There have been tears, tattling, screaming and mess-making. But without fail, the last two nights, as our littlest has fallen asleep on the floor, we have found her covered with her special blanket, a doll tucked neatly underneath, and a big sister asleep right next to her keeping vigil. How grateful I am for such a sweet reminder of the unconditional love of the innocent. I had another such moment when, after putting my oldest daughter in time out for picking on her little sister, I watched as my little girl walked over to her big sister and stood right next to her in time out, with their arms wrapped around the other. I know that, had I been cracked on the head with a barbie car, I would not be so forgiving and willing to suffer right along with my abuser. This is not something I can honestly say they have learned from me -- it is far more likely that it is the innocence they inherited from their Father that they have yet to lose. And I hope they never do -- what beautiful spirits and sincerity.
There are times I am so often frustrated by my children, and wonder what it is I am not teaching, or how I ought to better approach them. But then I realize that I learn from them -- every day. I learn how to be a better mother from my children. I can't think of a greater truth -- and a straighter way to salvation -- than to 'be as a little child'

“And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
“And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
“Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
“And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.” Matt. 18: 1-5